A few days have passed since my last post. The reason is not that I didn't know what my next post should be about, but how to start.
It's not a really easy topic. As the title say, it's about the difference between the beautiful theory and the hard reality.
For that purpose, I would like to pick up the topic from the previous post. If you don't remember exactly what that was about, take a few minutes and read through it. At the bottom of the page it has a button to have direct access.
In the mean time, I take a deep breath so that I can find the right words.
As you may have just read again, I say that you should always keep your eyes on Jesus, because then even the strongest storm will not harm you.
There is nothing wrong with this statement or fact I also do not revoke!
However, if you find yourself in the middle of such a storm, this seems to be just a nice theory, because the harsh reality is obviously comletely different.
You might think that I'm just glossing over all this and that I have no idea how life actually works.
For this reason, I would like to tell you how I have experienced (especially) the past nine months. This is the part where the " beautiful theory" met the "hard reality" again in my life.
To illustrate you my initial position, I invite you to join me back in the summer of 2022:
The fast-paced and demanding work life of an executive has me in its grip.
Everything around me is racing at high speed, and I'm standing in the middle of it all. It's not enough that people are shouting from all corners, no, I'm being tugged and pulled. Here I have to look, there I have to solve a problem. Over there a transfer of knowledge is asked for, there the cast iron control is demanded.
With the same high speed I race from one storm into the next. It doesn't matter in which storm I'm in, it's always the same.
When the psychological is constantly running at full speed, this also wears down the physical. But that can be excellently ignored. At least for a while.
Once the psychic and the physical decide together to stop this high performance machinery, it is brutally stopped.
First it gets hot and cold at the same time, then the pulse accelerates unusually high. Control over the emotions slips away and tears run unchecked (those who know me personally know that this is my personal horror scenario).
Breathing accelerates rapidly and is only superficial. The feeling of no longer being able to breathe creeps in.
That was the last day I spent so many hours in this company.
The very first appointment the following morning I got as an emergency appointment with my doctor.
Several weeks of complete sick leave follow.
Nothing works anymore.
Even the simplest thing becomes a big challenge.
And on top of that, there is a storm of emotions. The spinning whirl in my head is merciless.
My thoughts have always been constantly circling. Only this time they had such a rapid speed that even my brain has not kept up with the thinking.
The most dangerous roller coasters in the world can't compete with what was going on in my head during that time.
A stormy sea of emotions, me in the middle of it, the waves crashing over my head. I can't see a lifebelt, yet I cry out for it. Lord, save me!
In order to keep the feeling of self-control, I start to note down how my days were on an emotional basis. Although I note with a kind of relief that there are also good moments and I can breathe a little easier, a nasty little voice creeps in.
How long might it stay like this? Can you really breathe a sigh of relief, or is the next big hammer coming right away?
The uncertainty clings to my legs and pulls me on the stormy sea of feelings again and again into the depth.